23: Renewal

Some people like to choose a certain word or phrase at the beginning of a new year. You could consider it a theme that they intend to carry forward for the subsequent 12 months. In January 2021, I wasn’t necessarily searching for a word for the year. To be honest, the crossover itself proved to be quite lackluster on my part. I was pensive with a bit of an unreadable mood. Neither joy nor sadness…just a damp stillness that felt bland, barren and bare. Then during the first week of the year, a word dropped in my heart: RENEWAL.

I didn’t think much of it. This shows how sterile and uninspired my soul felt at the time. However, being the ever-sentimental writer that I am, I wrote this word on my WhatsApp bio accompanied by a pretty butterfly emoji and simply left it at that. A few days later, I was listening to my church’s online Sunday service (you can listen to the sermon here) when the pastor announced that our church’s theme for the year was “Renewal”.

For those who like to fact-check (it’s a great habit BTW, I do it too), here is a screenshot of my WhatsApp bio followed by another screenshot from the sermon which I’m referring to. As you can see, I changed my “About” on 6th January and the sermon was uploaded on 10th January.

Now at this point, I started to get interested. It seemed that my purported word for the year wasn’t just a fluke or passing thought. I saw this as a confirmation that somehow the year 2021 was going to bring renewal for me, I just wasn’t sure how.

Age 23 is often dubbed as one’s Jordan Year. This originates from legendary basketball player Michael Jordan’s iconic success whereby he achieved incomparable fetes throughout his career. He wore the jersey number 23 and for this reason, age 23 is said to be the best year yet.

I’ve made it a habit to write something each year to commemorate my birthday. As I was thinking about what to write for this post to mark my 23rd birthday, I was fascinated by the concept of one’s Jordan year being ‘the best year yet’. And even more than that, I was further intrigued by the realization that when I looked at my own life, the life of others and even various phenomena in nature, it struck me how the best was often preceded by the worst.

My most memorable interaction with this line of thought happened on a relatively normal day a few months ago. It was about 11am and I was going for my morning run. I usually prefer to get my workout done much earlier in the day, but this particular week had been very emotionally draining. As much as running offers me relief from stress, it’s quite ironic that when my heart is heavy, I tend to find it difficult to start a workout. Nevertheless as the sincerely-struggling-yet-ever-resilient runner that I am, I wore my shoes, put on my headband and went out to a field in the estate where I live. I quickly got into the rhythm of doing my usual laps as I listened to some worship music. I like to pray while I run, so on this particular day, I started praying for a friend of mine whose mother was extremely sick. As I was praying, I started to feel overwhelmed by the heavy emotional burden that I was carrying. I started to question why such terrible things were happening to so many people, myself included. Then I felt a quickening in my spirit. A thought dropped in my heart:

Don’t ask: “Why is this happening?” Instead ask: “What will this produce?” The difficulty of this season has the potential to bring forth life, joy, miracles and invaluable lessons. This is the demolition that comes before the renovation. This is the ruin that gives rise to renewal. Begin to call out the promises and purposes of God in this season.

I don’t typically experience the runner’s high on every run. But for some reason, whenever I’m running and I stumble upon a supernatural revelation like this one, my body responds. My pace quickens. My posture straightens. My eyes soften. My chin levels. My stride feels blissful and natural. I hear the wind glisten past my ears. My lungs expand. I feel perfectly at ease yet extremely energetic at the same time. It’s as though the truth that has just registered in my mind instantaneously permeates to every muscle, ligament and joint in my body and injects my being with new life. My feet spring forward with seamless buoyancy yet reassuring stability. It’s as though the intellectual ground on which I have just stepped…is holy.

In that moment, it dawned on me that sadness and joy need not be two separate paths, but rather a seamless progression along the same journey. I needed to walk through every step of the grieving so that I could arrive at the destination of rejoicing. Was I glorifying suffering? Not at all. Rather, I was acknowledging the fact that the deepest renewal often comes as a result of the most intense disruption. I began to understand that there was no need for me try and escape the brutal reality of what I was facing, but rather I needed to fully go through the experience and allow it to fully go through me.

Time and time again we have seen stories of amazing innovations, life-changing decisions and incomparable fetes of accomplishment that have been borne out of calamity. As I settle into my 23rd year marveling at the renewal that God has produced and continues to produce in my life, I cannot help but pay tribute to the crisis: Not for what it was, but for what it produced. Because often times, the chaos comes before creation. The hurt before the healing. The pain before the promise. The labor before the offspring. The crucifixion before the resurrection. The darkest hour before dawn. The ruin before the renewal.

The best thing about experiencing this phenomenon is that it eliminates fear and cultivates hope. Rather than dreading the occurrence of calamity, you begin to expect it. And even more than that, you prepare for it with the understanding that it is indeed only a season. You have a sense of clarity and faith as you face every challenge because you understand that there are gems of promise waiting at the end. When others see obstacles, you see stepping stones. When others see mountains, you see conquests. When others see ruin, you see renewal.

Here is a portion of scripture which accurately describes this concept:

…Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV

In conclusion, I pray that you will stay on course in this journey of life with the highs, lows and everything in between. I pray that at the end, you will be everything that you were created to be. I pray that 2021 will bring just as much renewal for you as it has brought for me.

-RR🌸